tractor

han and I are avid Lego collectors. We love the City series particularly so.

A few months ago, Lego City released the much-anticipated farm-themed sets. First to hit the shelf was this little red tractor. My first impression of it was just cute-lor. It looks really small- barely bigger than a dune buggy.

Just awhile ago, I happened to chance upon a picture of it again on the internet.

Only this time I noticed the wheel at the back is actually so much larger than the one in front. On top of that, the back wheel looks almost as tall as the human (minifig).

Then I thought to myself "Eh? Looks very familar leh..."
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And I was right indeed! This picture was taken a year ago at a farm in York, Western Australia. It shows how willing han and I were to get caught in the back wheel and be rolled over by that humongous thing.

So this is no buggy after all! Apart from the cute-factor, the red Lego tractor is really quite realistic. Hehe.

96

My grandma passed away last Friday, 15 May 09 at 10.45am.

She fell from her bed last December and had been in and out of hospital ever since. She was discharged for the final time in April so that -in the doctor's words- "she can spend the rest of her days at home with her loved ones".

For the past month, I went to bed, surfed the net, studied, talked on the phone, prepared for work while she slept and struggled, in pain, to breathe in the room beside.

When I could manage, I would sit beside her and sing hokkien worship songs into her ear. She would sigh and mumble in response but what she meant to say, I will never know.

My grandma had been living with me ever since I could remember. In the day, she would sit on her favourite chair, at her favourite side of the dining table, sipping coffee from her favourite red mug. This was her pastime for the past 20 years.

Due to her hard-of-hearing, we communicated less and less with each other over the years. However, her presence was comforting. (Especially so on nights when they aired my favourite horror movies on tv.)

There were instances when I wondered how life would be without having her around in the house. Naturally, I shrugged the thought off because she was really always there. Now I know I'll never get to hear her laugh when she watched tv or cough when she choked on her biscuit. I am missing those moments already.

I wish I had done more for her, spent more time with her. I wish I had showered her with more love and shown her more respect. I wish we will be able to meet again in heaven. I wish there weren't all these "I-wishes"...

Nai Nai, I miss you already.

wonderful ladies

I was looking through cousin Evelyn's photo album at Wal*mart when I chanced upon a photograph that tickled me quite abit...

from left: Evelyn, Serena and Jordan

This was taken two months ago at ChinaOne where we were celebrating cousin Sharon's birthday. The three of us were laughing at how funny some photographs turned out on cousin Serena's phone. This moment, in turn, became a funny shot!

I love my cousins (:

you want i share with you?

I was at East Coast Park with Wilson and Sharona this morning. W was on his roller blades while S and I were contented with just 2 wheels each. The fellowship was mighty fine and before I came home, I even brought some ba gua back with me.

As I'm still a little buey steady on the bicycle, the people around me must keep a constant lookout so as to siam me at appropriate times--- which is just about every 5 minutes.

However, today, I was too fast for Sharona's spider sense.

I was crossing a pretty steep hump when my bicycle veered right and my front wheel got tangled with her back wheel. I fell, together with the machine, on my left and got dragged across the gravel quite a bit.

Then came the blood. It took me awhile to stem it. I even left a tiny chunk of flesh on the road. But not to worry because Jordan has a high threshold for pain. At the tender age of 22, she has already been through 2 major surgeries-- one on the spine and the other the left lung.

Hey Sharona, it's not your fault. I still love you! You must join us again next week ok?

Hence the ba gua. I got 500g worth of it all over my right leg.

You want I share with you?

are you one?

stalkers are scary . they feed on you before they eat themselves up . now read the title again .

out is through

"Every time you raise your voice, I see the greener grass. Every time you run for cover, I see this pasture. Every time we're in a funk, I picture a different choice. Anytime we're in a rut, this distant grandeur. My tendency to want to do away feels natural and my urgency to dream of softer places feels understandable but I know the only way out is through. The faster we're in, the better. The only way out is through, ultimately. The only way out is through -- the only way we'll feel better. The only way out is through, ultimately.

Every time that I'm confused I think there must be easier ways. Every time our horns are locked, I'm towel throwing! Every time we're at a loss, we've bolted from difficulty. Anytime we're in stalemate, a final bowing. My tendency to want to hide away feels easier and the immediacy of picturing another place, comforting to go but I know the only way out is through. The faster we're in, the better. The only way out is through, ultimately. The only way out is through -- the only way we'll feel better. The only way out is through, ultimately." -- Alanis Morissette

Alanis is, undeniably, a prolific songwriter and she is one of my favourite! Her works are verbose and very often glutted with angst and narcissism. Quoting from www.rollingstone.com, her singing is described as " (the) wail of a woman scorned blends obsession, rage, blunt sexuality, and raw pain into a mob hit of a pop song." Even the stuff written about her are so lyrical!

Alanis views her pieces as "rooms in the big house that is my life... All of them are a snapshot of a period of time and a passage in my life." I find myself, in numerous occasions, trespassing this haven of hers. As personal as these songs may be, they are especially adequate for certain moments in my life-- such as this instance.

There is actually one last verse to this song and in this verse, everything worked out between the two. As for me, the song ends here. Yes, we are through. I'm finally out but I'm knocked cold.

my first entry

I just came back from a 3-day stay at Tioman-- a seaside getaway along the east coast of Malaysia. It is actually my first trip to a beach that is neither in the vicinity of East Coast Park nor Sentosa. My cousins and their spouses were delightful company. We left Singapore at 3am last Friday and took a 2-hour-long car journey to Mersing Jetty before boarding a speedboat for another 2-hour-long journey. It was 7am when we got on to the speedboat so you can imagine the state that all of us were in-- bloodshot eyes, upper torso hunching from the threatening weight of our baggages. We bore a pathetic resemblance to an episode of The Amazing Race.

The roar of the engine, which announced the departure of the speedboat, was like a snap of the hypnotist's fingers-- it sent everyone to sleep immediately. I feasted while the rest slumbered on. My eyes were taking in all that nature had to offer-- clear green waters that stretch into the horizon and mountains of forestation. I was captivated by the splendour of God's creation.

For the next 3 days, we lodged at the "hut resort"- a delightful term the Malaysian tourism board uses in place of "insect-infested attap houses with curtains so painfully mismatched that the person who hung them must have colour sense of a fruit bat".

A snapshot of our pretty resort.

I have never snorkeled in my life and when I tried for the first time that day, I decided I was going to do just that for the rest of the trip!

On the second day, we went island hopping at 5 different locations. 2 of my cousins went scuba-diving. I would have gone too but my history of surgeries forbade me. Feeding the fish was one of the highlights that afternoon. I took bread underwater with me and the moment I stretched out my hands, fish of all kind started swarming at me. One silly fish mistook my wrist for bread and bit hard into it, leaving an O-shaped mark on my flesh. How endearing!

This is me looking atrocious in my snorkeling gear-- a mirthful moment nonetheless!

Back at the shore of my resort, while everyone was reeling with fatigue, I hit the waters again. This time, I tried to swim to the neighbouring land, Tulai Island, in search for sea turtles. It is just a few kilometers away from shore.

Tulai Island is the little green stump in the middle of the sea.

All the time while I was snorkeling, I barely lifted up my head (not a good idea at all!) and when I finally did, I found myself in the middle of the Deep Blue. The swimming was effortless-- I must have been swept along by the gentle currents. This is just like living life according to the will of God. When you follow the currents -that is- the Holy Spirit's promptings, you find yourself getting through life almost effortlessly. Even though I didn't catch sight of any sea turtles, I was awed by the many multi-coloured fishes that swam past me. The seabed was littered with corals and tiny rocks coated with luminous-coloured moss.

The next day we packed and left the place. The journey back for me was a period of intense introspection. According to my cousins, the marine life in the waters of Tioman used to be more vibrant. It started to wane due to commercialism (surprise, surprise). Day in, day out, tourists come and go-- bringing money to the residents on land while taking life away from the creatures in the waters.

Body art is no longer exclusive to the skin of animals and human beings. Nature has somehow caught the trend and everyone of us is guilty of picking up that awful-sounding tattoo machine and inking pictures of deforestation and pollution on to the very skin of our planet. Not only are we great artists, we are excellent chemists too-- give us a substantial amount of uranium and plutonium and we will mix them up to produce a weapon of mass destruction. All of us enter this world in sin and shame (now, I don't want to get into the unremitting discussion of whether man are born to do good or evil) and it is going to remain this way till kingdom come.

However, I believe that all is not lost.

For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous. In this system of chaos and confusion, I must keep my eyes on redemption for creation has passed us by. And this entry marks the start of my quest to love man-- not for who they are, but for who they are meant to be.